Monday, December 10, 2007

Thoughts

Confidence is a mental process that arises from considering if a person or thing is capable of something.

Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself when considering a capability.

Overconfidence is having unmerited confidence--believing something or someone is capable when they are not.

Self Confidence, something which i know that i lack in me. I used to think maybe it's because i used to think i am always incompetent and inferior to others in skills, so thats why i used to train so hard for my basketball and i not only wanted to be good among all that i know but to be the best. I thought this would make me have more self confidence, well i did work for me.. but it was only at a basketball court. I would be making decisions and plans to try and win the game which i was determined in every game. That thought of increasing my self confidence made me go on to train and play basketball with all my heart to learn for more then 10 years...

After that i got laughed at by my closest friends at that point of my life for being skinny and small size while the rest of them were so called "normal" and made fun of my appearance infront of the girls who adored them to make them feel good , they made it that way and i soon believe that they were right because they were my good friends at that time. I soon got very demoralized and my fist clenched at the hearing of the word skinny.. it was like a great insult to me, only guys who are skinny or were skinny will know how i felt... but i didn't do anything about it because i didn't know where to start

The final blow came when i was being the common target of ah bengs at that point of time, 8 guys unleash all the beatings they could do on me for no other reason then to show their gfs that they are fighters in life and cool for a reason. I had no reason to fight back... and i knew i could not either..

The following week i called my current close buddy, Weiliang, to follow me to the gym to just work out abit, soon we got hooked and we had sort of a silent challenge that who could make the most difference to our bodies... We would eat all the carbs and protiens we could see, i still remember we each ate a buddy meal at burger king, we had 10 pratas for dinner, we had 3 bowls of noodles for dinner, we just ate n ate with the focus of growing big... I was dying to get out of my 44kg body frame... i was literally eating, living, sleeping and dreaming about being "normal"

I remembered going back to my secondary school to have a gathering with all my ex classmates and teachers, the friends who laughed at me once.. maybe all of the training i put in was to prove to them?

I read this line from a show but i just can't remember where i have seen it... but it was sort of reflecting on me. A gal was telling the guy "Why are you trying so hard just to prove to others all these years? Why must you care so much of how other people look at you or think about you? Just enjoy life like it is..." It sort of struck a key in my mind...


From Left: Weiliang, Zengye and Me

Our "brothership" is going strong after so many years...

From Left: Me, Weiliang and Zengye

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